I am grateful for my friends, my family, my life, my experiences that have built the foundation of who I am. Without experience, who knows what the blank canvas would show.
Thursday, October 27, 2016
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
A Year and 7 Months
It's been a year and seven months since I last wrote. I suppose there's a reason for that. In this space of time, I have traveled, learned more cooking techniques, starting painting again, I've really begun running more dedicatedly. I do yoga daily, and I philosophize constantly.
So, what all has happened? I've moved twice, read countless books, learned life is peculiar, uncomfortable a lot of the time, but usually worth it. I have learned that life requires saying goodbye to things and people, not because they are bad, just because it's no longer healthy to have them in my life.
I have been living a very simple life--I do not have cable or Internet at home. This has afforded me the chance to increase my volume of hobby engagement and soul searching. Every day is a project to discover something new about myself and/or the world I live in, the people who share in the madness and beauty of life, and what I can do to increase the beauty and decrease the madness.
I am extremely thankful for all that I have, the things I have overcome, and the challenges I do not have to face. In the last year and seven months, I have become irreversibly separated from my husband, Dave. In this space of time, I have started to become myself again.
So, what all has happened? I've moved twice, read countless books, learned life is peculiar, uncomfortable a lot of the time, but usually worth it. I have learned that life requires saying goodbye to things and people, not because they are bad, just because it's no longer healthy to have them in my life.
I have been living a very simple life--I do not have cable or Internet at home. This has afforded me the chance to increase my volume of hobby engagement and soul searching. Every day is a project to discover something new about myself and/or the world I live in, the people who share in the madness and beauty of life, and what I can do to increase the beauty and decrease the madness.
I am extremely thankful for all that I have, the things I have overcome, and the challenges I do not have to face. In the last year and seven months, I have become irreversibly separated from my husband, Dave. In this space of time, I have started to become myself again.
Friday, February 25, 2011
The Sun Will Rise Tomorrow
Some days are harder than others, while thank the Almighty, others are a breeze. Today is like the calm after the storm for me. Life has had several challenges lately, and many of them have been self-imposed. I certainly know that life would be a lot easier if I would just do the things I am "supposed" to do 24/7. However, because we live here on earth and not on some perfect planet or dimension, I make mistakes, and thus I have to suffer the consequences.
I am, like most of us are, my own worst critic. Sometimes, the critic inside me simply has a louder voice than my self-preserving avdocate, and I end up having days during which my self-evaluation is that I do nothing right, that every failure ever experienced in life is a direct result of something that I did or did not do. After spending a period of time reflecting this apparent set of brutal truths, I came to these realizations, which I seem to need to continually come to: Life goes on. Mistakes happen. The sun will rise tomorrow. Some days are going to hurt, and you're going to find yourself praying to just make it through the moments 'til that next sunrise brings with it a new chance. With these realizations come the inevitable emotional, spiritual calming truths: I have another chance. No failure is a true failure until you decide not to try again. You are the same woman who has triumphed over so much, and certainly these current struggles do not measure equal or greater than those you've already defeated.
Today is that "next day" when the sun rises, and I see it for what it truly is: a new chance. I hope anyone and everyone who reads this can always find the path through, over, or around their struggles; that path often leads to deeper understanding, immeasurable strength, and spiritual growth.
I am, like most of us are, my own worst critic. Sometimes, the critic inside me simply has a louder voice than my self-preserving avdocate, and I end up having days during which my self-evaluation is that I do nothing right, that every failure ever experienced in life is a direct result of something that I did or did not do. After spending a period of time reflecting this apparent set of brutal truths, I came to these realizations, which I seem to need to continually come to: Life goes on. Mistakes happen. The sun will rise tomorrow. Some days are going to hurt, and you're going to find yourself praying to just make it through the moments 'til that next sunrise brings with it a new chance. With these realizations come the inevitable emotional, spiritual calming truths: I have another chance. No failure is a true failure until you decide not to try again. You are the same woman who has triumphed over so much, and certainly these current struggles do not measure equal or greater than those you've already defeated.
Today is that "next day" when the sun rises, and I see it for what it truly is: a new chance. I hope anyone and everyone who reads this can always find the path through, over, or around their struggles; that path often leads to deeper understanding, immeasurable strength, and spiritual growth.
Monday, September 27, 2010
Reflection During My Commute
Recently, I have realized that my commute to work is one of my favorite times of day. Yeah, I know that may seem weird, but today provided me with a shining example of why I feel this way. In general, I enjoy my commute a lot because I have no choice but to sit there and relax. Ok, so relaxing is a choice over tensing up over traffic, etc. Anyhow, today I was listening to some nice tunes and just thinking about random things, and then, I saw the mountains in the distance. This reminded me of when I was in fourth grade. My teacher gave me and my classmates a great assignment. We were instructed to write a short story about one of our dreams in life and to draw a picture to go along with it. My dream that I wrote of was to live near the mountains. I drew big, gray mountains capped with snow. Then, I realized that since I moved away from my home city, I have fulfilled that dream. For 5 years, I got to see the Snowy Range of the Rocky Mountains, and now (on clear days), I get to see one of the most awe-inspiring peaks in North America: Mt. Rainier. I got a little grin on my face for a moment, as I realized that some of our dreams never die, and when we really have our heart set on something, are willing to take risks and work hard, sometimes, those dreams come true.
Saturday, September 18, 2010
Great Parents Ready to Adopt!
Hey, everybody! My sister Anna and her husband Jeff are more than ready to adopt. If you know anyone who is considering placing a child for adoption, please refer them to http://ourgreatestwish.com/. On this site, you can learn more about them as a couple and as a family and contact them. Please pass the word along to as many people as you can. Anna and Jeff's desire to adopt could be just the miracle that a birth parent needs in their life right now.
Saturday, June 5, 2010
Three Weeks From Today
I will be running the Rock'n'Roll Seattle Half Marathon. June 26, 2010 seems like it will mark something magnificent in my life. Is it my first half marathon? No. Is it the first half marathon I have run since I was diagnosed and treated for cancer? No. Has the training reminded me of why I love to run, what kind of person I am, what I do when the going gets tough, and have I learned invaluable lessons while training for it? The answer to all those is a quite resounding "Yes!"
Sometimes in my life I feel like I wax and wane with being in touch with myself. This may sound hoaky at first. Well, it may continue to sound hoaky, but what I mean is that sometimes I get so caught up with "life," as in bills to pay, what's in the news, what's on TV, daily worries, etc. that I simply let my sense of self decline to a point where one moment or day I simply feel like I need to "wake up." Then, I do all things I consider to be the steps to waking up: I assess what got me in that sleepy state, I consider why, and I try to move on and not do whatever it was that got me there again. Inevitably, though, I repeat some of the sleepy-state, self-neglecting behaviors. I think these behaviors are different for all of us, but I would venture to guess that nearly all of us have this struggle, this inner battle, to balance our daily lives with becoming closer to ourselves, getting to know our own souls, our spirits, and who we really are. I venture this guess because that is what our lives are all about: learning, growing, and becoming the best of ourselves that we can be.
Running is intertwined with self-realization for me. I never feel more alive than when the blood is pumping hard through my veins, I have to work for my next breath, and I'm feeling each stride take me farther than any average step could. Some may call this a "runner's high." I would have to argue just a bit about this. I rarely feel a great sense of euphoria while I am actually running. Often times, the aching, tired, sweaty feeling of accomplishment following the gasping, thirsty cool-down is the reward I feel. However, it is a powerful one. I would submit that feeling accomplished, however small or grand the accomplishment actually is, is the key to feeling empowered as a person. And feeling empowered, I truly believe, is the port of access to getting to know my soul, my spirit, myself.
Sometimes in my life I feel like I wax and wane with being in touch with myself. This may sound hoaky at first. Well, it may continue to sound hoaky, but what I mean is that sometimes I get so caught up with "life," as in bills to pay, what's in the news, what's on TV, daily worries, etc. that I simply let my sense of self decline to a point where one moment or day I simply feel like I need to "wake up." Then, I do all things I consider to be the steps to waking up: I assess what got me in that sleepy state, I consider why, and I try to move on and not do whatever it was that got me there again. Inevitably, though, I repeat some of the sleepy-state, self-neglecting behaviors. I think these behaviors are different for all of us, but I would venture to guess that nearly all of us have this struggle, this inner battle, to balance our daily lives with becoming closer to ourselves, getting to know our own souls, our spirits, and who we really are. I venture this guess because that is what our lives are all about: learning, growing, and becoming the best of ourselves that we can be.
Running is intertwined with self-realization for me. I never feel more alive than when the blood is pumping hard through my veins, I have to work for my next breath, and I'm feeling each stride take me farther than any average step could. Some may call this a "runner's high." I would have to argue just a bit about this. I rarely feel a great sense of euphoria while I am actually running. Often times, the aching, tired, sweaty feeling of accomplishment following the gasping, thirsty cool-down is the reward I feel. However, it is a powerful one. I would submit that feeling accomplished, however small or grand the accomplishment actually is, is the key to feeling empowered as a person. And feeling empowered, I truly believe, is the port of access to getting to know my soul, my spirit, myself.
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