Three Weeks From Today

I will be running the Rock'n'Roll Seattle Half Marathon. June 26, 2010 seems like it will mark something magnificent in my life. Is it my first half marathon? No. Is it the first half marathon I have run since I was diagnosed and treated for cancer? No. Has the training reminded me of why I love to run, what kind of person I am, what I do when the going gets tough, and have I learned invaluable lessons while training for it? The answer to all those is a quite resounding "Yes!"

Sometimes in my life I feel like I wax and wane with being in touch with myself. This may sound hoaky at first. Well, it may continue to sound hoaky, but what I mean is that sometimes I get so caught up with "life," as in bills to pay, what's in the news, what's on TV, daily worries, etc. that I simply let my sense of self decline to a point where one moment or day I simply feel like I need to "wake up." Then, I do all things I consider to be the steps to waking up: I assess what got me in that sleepy state, I consider why, and I try to move on and not do whatever it was that got me there again. Inevitably, though, I repeat some of the sleepy-state, self-neglecting behaviors. I think these behaviors are different for all of us, but I would venture to guess that nearly all of us have this struggle, this inner battle, to balance our daily lives with becoming closer to ourselves, getting to know our own souls, our spirits, and who we really are. I venture this guess because that is what our lives are all about: learning, growing, and becoming the best of ourselves that we can be.

Running is intertwined with self-realization for me. I never feel more alive than when the blood is pumping hard through my veins, I have to work for my next breath, and I'm feeling each stride take me farther than any average step could. Some may call this a "runner's high." I would have to argue just a bit about this. I rarely feel a great sense of euphoria while I am actually running. Often times, the aching, tired, sweaty feeling of accomplishment following the gasping, thirsty cool-down is the reward I feel. However, it is a powerful one. I would submit that feeling accomplished, however small or grand the accomplishment actually is, is the key to feeling empowered as a person. And feeling empowered, I truly believe, is the port of access to getting to know my soul, my spirit, myself.